Ninth Palaver

The chapter you sent? no I'm sorry. I promise I will this week. I'm kinda at the same point as you.

Well its good people trust you and want to use your services.



Oh I finished your story. Or at least the chapter yoy sent.

« Last edited by emeraldrafael on 1st Jul 2015 »

No rush. :P

I guess so... Or Pokemon Fans are a tad obsessive... XD

Pokemon fans no. XD

Finished your chapter.

XD Have you seen how many people ask for Hoopa on the Player System? Dear Lord... How don't they know it's tradelocked? XD

BTW... Hoopa is finally getting released in Japan next month.

Jeez... You didn't have to hurry and finish it just cause I mentioned it. jk XD XD XD

I'm glad you finished it though. Made a number of adjustments to the chapter in the last few days, and still have more to come when I go through all the notes I've written down (gonna do that after I type everything). Started to get typing the rest of the Chapters now too; have about 13 of them typed, if Google is still truthful.

Might seem like I'm halfway done, but I know better... XD

Honestly I'm totally unimpressed with the GTS system and think its needs a lot of work nintendo will just never do. So I never bother anymore. Also i'm not as super excited about hoopla as others seem to be.

Well I had time before work since I have to wait to clock in at a certain time now. And oka, so I guess I should just save my opinions then.

It was a big let down. Oh well, no use now. Like you said, it will never get fixed.

Why no love for Hoopa? Don't like the Unbound Form?

Oh... So you have one of those jobs where you have to clock in right at the time you're scheduled?

And let your opinions flow. I'd like to hear what you think, and I can always add new stuff to the notes.

Just don't really enjoy legendaries, especially event legendaries. And its more my boss wants me to be htere when the othr people in the office are, despite me not really needing them much to do my job. Just means I have to sit in more traffic.

Well, I just feel bad cause each time you ask my opinion it feelss like I'm getting needlessly critical. I was going ot say again the not breaking up people speaking makes the scene with Helena feel like it loses some of its power. Mostly cause its easy to miss the character speech shift.

Other than that... its a personal thing but I'm not a huge fan of such a drastic tone shift so frequently in chapters. I understand this is a book about young teens and their lives are hectic, but going from ecstatic to depressed to emotionally crushed and empty all in one chapter doesn''t give a reader a lot of time to emphasize with the characters. I'll admit if I just straight finished this chapter in a single sitting like I usually do with books, I don't think I would have been able to apprecciate the first part of the chapter before the scene with Helena without just feeling overwhelmed or rushed through emotions.

So your that 1% of Pokemon Fans? XD

I don't necessarily care for Legends either, especially the Powerful, God-Like Ones. Adamant Choice Scarf Mega Rayquaza with Maxed Out Attack and Speed (Outrage, Extremespeed, V-Create, Dragon Ascent) is just insane. It can literally kill just about anything in existence. It's strong enough on its own, but of course they let it have the privilege of being able to hold and item.

Even with that being said... I still love to play with it sometimes in game; makes me feel like Earthquake Nidoking did in the first generation games. XD

Don't feel bad about constructive critism; I need it.

I promise you... I WILL fix the dialog with PERFECT Quotations and Spacing. XD

I understand where you're coming from, it is a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. And honestly, I was hoping a bit for that. XD

It's a relatively crushing chapter, you know? Besides the whole song going viral thing, just about everything else has that sad undertone. Had to include that (the song going viral) in the plot for that chapter though, couldn't put it anywhere else.

But I do get what you're saying. How do you think I could make the transition a little more seamless, O Great Sir Anthony? I need you Grammar Wisdom.

« Last edited by Warrior13 on 2nd Jul 2015 »

More or less. I'll only go out of my way to get a pokemon if its one I like. Now I mean, I may get Hoopla if its a game stop event cause they're a game stop at a mall next to a theatre I go to alot. and if its online then yeah cause im in my home. But if its something I cant do easily, I won't really care too much about it or go out of my way for it.

Hey, all I'm sasying is it makes it easy to not realize people switch talking. I'm sure you will.

Honestly I'd break up the chapter but that's not really grammar as its more mechanics of writing. And if all your chapters are of the same length then it would be weird to have two half chapters. I guess it would depend how the story is written around it. If you're coming off chapters of good and then going into chapters of sadness this is a good bridge chapter to transition.

But really I don't think you need to change it. I'm getting a snap shot in the middle of a story, not the whole picture. So in the context of what I have, that's how it is to me, but other people may see it differently. Its also a difference of styles, since you'll see in my writings my chapters have a certain tone throughout. When all read together its a long rollercoaster, rather than short up and downs in each. But that's just how I like to write and makes it easier for me to write.

...Or I could always trade you one. ;)

I'm just messing with you. :P I will.

The chapters aren't all the same length; some are short, some are long, some are even longer... Don't want to really break up the chapters, since there are twenty-five chapters to this first book... And that's one of my favorite numbers... XD

That's why I added in the little asterisks, to sort of break up the chapters. Did they have any effect while you read? Or did they not make a differences to you?

I guess I'll see how it all comes together at the end before I put in all the extra notes, and then go from there. If I have to change up the tone a little, then so be it. We'll see.

But I thank you for your thoughts. It's always nice to have a separate set of eyes (and a different mindset) look over it. I know everyone won't read it the same way, and it's great to hear another opinion on it.

With that being said, would you like to read another chapter?

Or would you just like me to give you all the spoilers? XD

Those trades are always so lopsided (and sometimes impossible or not worth it).

Asterisk breaks to me just means to signify time passing where nothing happens in that time. Not so much a break in reading (though they can be used as such).

I think I'd rather wait and read the full thing when its available rather than just keep reading little snips of it. Though I do enjoy reading your stuff. OR at least start fromt he beginning.

How much have you read of mine, by the way?

Just let me trade you one and be a gracious receiver. XD :P

I know you want the Shiny Arceus and Shiny Jirachi... XD

So do you think that break in time justifies the reset or continuation in tone? Just wanting to get your personal sense / pick your brain.

I actually had stars at first instead of asterisks, but I got tired of having to find them on google docs (plus they wouldn't paste in other formats). Would that have made a difference? I'm just goofing around now, but I would like to know if you think that would look better.

But I like you reading little snips... XD

Wow... That's a big OR... XD

With all joking aside, thank you. I'm glad you like reading it, and I'll make sure to send you all of it once it is done.

I don't know if I told you this or not, but the first eight chapters or so are already typed. I wrote the first fifteen and then went all sporadic on the final ten chapters. The first eight are pretty rough/raw though, and I really want to go back and expand and sophisticate it further with some more substance, if that makes sense. XD

I've also downloaded a few different fonts onto my computer for this book; want a more handwritten type look to it. I thought it would fit well. What do you think?

I'm on page 35, and I'm really liking it so far. Would rather read a reprised version of the Gemstone Order, but I still like it. ;)

« Last edited by Warrior13 on 2nd Jul 2015 »

I wouldn't be against having any of them just to collect but that wouldn't really bet hat fair.

I mean... I'll be honest (not that I'm not always honest, since I'm usually pretty blunt even if its hurtful) I've seen people do that jazzy page break thing and they'll ddo like crescent moons, or sideways crosses, or something else they think makes it look unique and cool. And almost every time its by a teenage girl who writes a mary sue character that they think is just the best or is a carbon copy of someonoe they read in a book and really like so they basically do them with more or less special powers or wahtever makes them special and a little paintswap and almost always allude to that character as the "inspiration," or is someone writing to those people. So any time I see that I associate it with really terrible writing or a genre I have no interest in reading. Stick with asterisks, or maybe a different not quite jazzy means of breaking a chapter. At least you'd look professional.

No yeah I remember you telling me something like that. I figured the chapter you sent me was the test chapter, like you see in some books where an author givves you a glimpse at their next book and its either the start or maybe like half way through so you want to know whats happened and then see where its going.

Like I said above, I'm against really jazzy things. having something that looks hand written (a script/cursive type font) is perfectly fine, as long as it doesnt look like a five year old did it in crayon (unless you're reading a sign written by one). If you want ot be taken series as a writer, I'd do something thats still professional looking. I use a bit of an abnormal font cause I like to use Arial Narrow, but it still looks good. Not like if I used comic sans.

Shaddup I'm going to get to it when i finish this. XD But i'm glad you're liking it. I"ll ask you any opinions abouy anyhitng when you finish what you have.

I really don't care if it's fair. :P XD

Is it wrong that I couldn't help but laugh at the analogies you used? Poor Mary Sue and that five year olds crayon... XD

Okay, I'll keep the asterisks and find a nice looking, professional handwritten-type font.

A test chapter? I would have never figured... XD

Good! XD

I'm just saying I would but I like writing to look professional. It's up to you if it's your book.

And sorry bad writing I'd a pet peeve. Not that I'm stephen king or anything but really some writing is just awful and the people who wrote it should know better.

And if you don't mind about the pokemon thing.

EDIT: also I could use sme help with my emerald knight stories. I need a new name besides the olympians and naming htem after greek gods/goddesses. I'm trying ot come up with more regional names that can be used for a fake country.

« Last edited by emeraldrafael on 3rd Jul 2015 »

I'll do both. :P XD

I know what you mean, Mr King. jk XD

I don't mind at all. Just need to setup a time then to trade you them. Any other Event you'd like?

Have you tried looking up certain countries demonyms and popular names from those countries (like past Kings and Queens)?

« Last edited by Warrior13 on 5th Jul 2015 »

I don't know I usually just trust my friends. I know I lost my meloette and keldeo events when I switched my ds over to my new one and didn't realize about the data stuff.

And I was looking at turkish names for the coranmic names since that's roughly where coronam is. The problem with that is the nation next to turkey is Greece and since the land is set up to reflect the map of earth as it is now it wouldn't make sense to make a name that would be say Germanic in that area. I'm already have enougj issue with explaining where your character comes from.

I just don't want to be so lazy I guess and go with a Greek god naming theme. I feel like I'm better than that.

« Last edited by emeraldrafael on 5th Jul 2015 »

Oh... Mr. I don't care for Event Legends wants some event legends... XD

Just kidding.

Where did he come from? Parts Unknown? XD

You are better than that! YOU'RE THE BEST!

You'll think of something, I'm sure.

I just wish I was better with Geography and History, would have been of more help here. :/

Hey if you're offering.

and you ere originally from France. and its really ust looking at a place in the world that has dimensions to wwhat i want to do with my story overall. Turkey/greece has that geography. a large sea that can hold sea battles and not be cramped, a country you can split in two for a native people, a defendable position to explain why a country that is more powerful isn't just rolling over another one.

So just Shiny Jirachi, Shiny Arceus, Keldeo & Meloetta?

Want the Personal Event I'm running? It's a Mega Altaria w/ Dragon Dance, Roost, Double Edge (It's from Original Sapphire) & Outrage.

Sounds like a good plan, but my character must be from Italy. I will not stand for it to be any other way! MWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! XD XD XD